Ahoy humans!
I've not written for a few months now.
I don't have anything to write about anymore.
Nor am I confident that I'll become the cool developer I'd be if I followed the path I had laid out.
The meaning of development has changed a lot, it's taken away the thinking, the control, the joy of solving problems. I put the problem down and it get's solved automatically. I'm not scared of the LLM, I'm scared of being surrounded by people who have no thought of their own but rather echo the thoughts of what an LLM told them was correct.
I have started re-working on old projects to make sure I complete at least a few of them with the little time that I get nowadays. I want to enjoy the feeling of solving problems. I want to find various ways of doing the same thing so I can learn to judge things better.
The fear of loosing my critical thinking is larger than the fear of loosing my job. The job is a survival option, I/We can always find other skills or things that'll keep us relevant. Yes, the pay will change. The skills you spent years on might not mean as much but seeing the loss of a core skill I spent years working on freaks me out. I love being the problem solver.
This is by no means a cry for help, just putting down thoughts as they come through. My job isn't currently at risk, neither am I in a bad financial position. All of this are just thoughts that rushed through when I was sitting idle thinking about life, what I want to do, what should I do for passive income, etc.
As always, I don't just come with a problem...there's possible options (old habits, sorry). I could let go of programming and find another profession that involves solving problems / puzzles. Move to a simpler life that doesn't involve dealing with fire all the time. There's no real purpose to life so there's no point of me holding onto something this trivial and fear the outcome. The outcome itself might not be that bad to begin with and this might all be me just overthinking it.
Running away might not be an option for some and it's kinda okay, anyway, I'm going to go think more about this and follow up when I have answer / path forward. For now, that's all I have.